Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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