I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
