just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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