We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
