That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
