dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
