My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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