Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
