Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
