The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
