I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
