you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
