I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
