She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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