I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
