I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
