Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
