My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
