looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
