Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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