i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
