We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
