Dude my mom stole all your condoms
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
