So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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