i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize