Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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