"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
