You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
