I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just pee around me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
