Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
