I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
