oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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