Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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