The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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