My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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