After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
