sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
