sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
