i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize