2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
