How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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