i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
