well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
