I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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