from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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