Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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