whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
