as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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