So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
