Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
