Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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