She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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