i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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