considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
