Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We got so high we made milksteak
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
