I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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