U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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