how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
