If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
