What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
