Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
