Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
