At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
