And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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