I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize