K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
