It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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