her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
