I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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